My Journey as a Single Parent
No marriage is perfect
“Being in love,” “creating a life together,” and “raising children,” keeping all in control is not a simple task. It takes time and a certain amount of maturity to reach the balance. If love is measured by how much effort you are willing to give, what’s the magic formula? Maintaining everything in check is not an easy matter, and there is no perfect way to make it happen.
All marriages have their ups and downs; they are all different. Being a single parent is a journey of accepting a failing marriage, detaching from a committed long-term relationship, and creating your own new life.
Either you are learning to make personal sacrifices and make your spouse feel appreciated and valued, or on the journey of learning how to self-care and love yourself more. Marriage is a process of towards each other, growth, and maturity. Sometimes going their separate ways is the best outcome.
Becoming a single parent can bring up strong emotions, like relief, excitement, anger, fear, and grief. The journey of a single parent is a process of coming to realize it is better to go on their separate ways, followed by healing and then reconstructing the support system.
Redefine a “Perfect Family”
My definition of a perfect family was often bound to the idea of keeping everyone together and values in line; I committed all my efforts to managing this “small community” I had created. Whether it was the right or wrong ways, every marriage has challenges, but the belief behind “keep trying” and “keep fixing” was becoming too heavy to handle. A perfect family should not be formed by a miserable couple and two (most likely confused) children.
The journey as a single parent allows us to find ourselves again, a new chance to redefine “parenthood” and enjoy the process in a new state of mind. Demolished what I have believed traditionally. Creates a positive and healthy support system. Continue to love the children the way you are. This is also a form of “perfect family.”
Learn to Respond, Not React
The reaction is an emotional decision made without considering the consequences. While Response is the conscious effort to take a step back to review the situation. It allows the individual to rationalize the issue with a problem-solving attitude.
Quick reactions usually come from anxiety, stress, and anger; these negative feelings often get the best of me. In my single-parent journey, I learned to self-reflect and saw through what happened after putting emotions aside. Perhaps if I could wait a bit before reacting, the situation could be different? Your life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it.
Make more of an effort to find the respectfulness within the disagreement. Anger often gets the best of most people. When couples argue, both sides speak emotionally in high tones, creating increased tension and a toxic environment for the family. As time grew, we lost interest in finding a healthier and more effective way of communication.
Being a mother makes you grow. Being a single mother makes you strong. It is a process of learning. There were words that I wish were never put out before. Being a single parent is also a journey of realigning what kind of person I would like to be, giving myself a chance to reconnect, apologize and move on.
Create quality time
The world moves around at a tremendously fast pace. We are busy with work, social networks, media, friends, and family. There’s no time and energy to date after a long day at work, looking at phones or tablets during the time together, or lack of interest in creating quality time together. The journey of being a single parent, especially the life in Spain, has taught me to make quality time, be present and learn how important it is to put the phone away during precious time together.
How Did I Cope With Stress as a Single Parent?
Becoming a Single Mom
Starting a new single-parent life is challenging. It is common to find disagreement between father and mother, and the financial challenges of single parenting can lead to debt and late payments. Long working hours do not allow you to spend quality time with children.
Stress and long-term sleep deprivation are common issues for many single parents. There are a few ways to help you improve your overall well-being in the stressful moments:
A 90-minute yoga practice with yourself can improve mental and physical strength, balance, and flexibility. Yoga is a form of exercise that includes stretching, breathing, relaxation, and meditation, it has proven to positively affect people with mental health conditions, such as reducing anxiety. Practice yoga 2 to 3 times a week.
5 to 20 minutes of meditation in the morning or before sleep can make you feel more relaxed. Begin your day with a calm and focused mind that can set the right tone for the rest of the day.
Practicing mindfulness can release emotions that may have been causing the stress. Use 10 minutes of meditation to center yourself; you will be in a better place when the challenges and opportunities arrive.
When there is a time of disagreement in the marriage or facing challenges, breathing is an easy way to calm my body and reduce anger. The slow and deep breathing shifts my focus away from the “drama,” allowing me to recenter again.
One of the breathing exercises I practice regularly is sitting in a quiet and comfortable place, closing my eyes, and shoulder relaxing. Slowly breathe in through the nose, breathe out through the mouth. Repeat this process at least 10 times or until the feeling of anxiety decreases.
Take a walk
Research has shown that walking releases brain chemicals called endorphins that stimulate relaxation and improve our mood. Walking does not have to be done at a fast pace to have stress-relieving benefits. Find a park, breathe fresh air, and feel the positive energy around you can make you feel better.
A friend recommended CBD while I was going through severe anxiety and suggested it could be an effective organic remedy to reduce my stress. Since then, I have tried many CBD products such as hemp, CBD gummies, CBD softgels, and CBD tinctures. Nano is the most effective option that works the best for me; nano CBD has significantly improved my sleeping quality after suffering from long-term sleep deprivation and disruption.
Before trying CBD, I often felt tired throughout the day and could not think clearly. CBD products have brought my focus back during the day and quality sleep at night.
The Creation of Nanani World & Venturing Forth
Venturing Forth: A Memoir of Resilience and Transformation. Join Hsin Chen on her inspiring journey to overcome adversity, including COVID, mental health challenges, parenting doubts, and post-divorce dating. Discover the power of positivity and mindfulness in finding serenity within life’s chaos.
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