Shift Your Mindset by Focusing on What You Can Control
Yesterday, I was on a hiking trip where I met a Ukrainian woman who had recently moved to Barcelona. I’m not here to talk about war, nor to take sides. But during our casual hike-talk, something she said stayed with me. I asked her why she chose Barcelona and how her settling-in process had been. Her story started with practical details—weather, people, cost of living—but soon her tone shifted.
“I’m in my 40s,” she said. “At my age, I want to have my own space—but I’m living with a flatmate I’m not comfortable with. It’s hard to feel at home here. And then I look around… that woman has kids, a house, a family—and here I am, still trying to figure out where I belong. The blackout last Monday? That was our everyday reality back home. We lived in a constant state of anxiety and scarcity. I feel stressed at home and alone outside of home. Life is so unfair.”
She wasn’t asking for sympathy. She was simply expressing a feeling many of us know all too well—a quiet panic when life doesn’t look the way we thought it should by now.
First, let’s acknowledge this clearly:
Whatever she is going through is beyond my imagination.
The nationwide power outage in Spain on April 28, 2025, was shocking—it felt like a warzone to me. That total disconnection triggered a deep sense of insecurity. I can’t imagine living in that kind of fight-or-flight state not just for hours, but for years.
And yet, as we spoke, I realized that her struggles reflect something deeply human and universal.
Most of us carry a quiet burden of comparison, unmet expectations, and longing for stability, clarity, and control.
But here’s the truth: we don’t control as much as we think we do.
And yet, we do control more than we remember.
Everyone is Fighting Their Own Battle
Let’s not forget—everyone you meet is carrying something invisible.
There is no such thing as a perfect life. Behind the polished Instagram grids and polite small talk, there are heartbreaks, anxieties, and unanswered prayers.
I once wrote an article called “Perspective is Everything” —how the lens through which we view our lives can change our experience of it. Today, I want to talk about something equally powerful: the life-changing magic of focusing on what you can control.
This isn’t about dismissing your pain or saying “others have it worse.”
It’s about reclaiming your energy from what drains you and learning to generate power from what’s already in your hands.
When we focus on what we can control and practice gratitude for what is, we stop feeding the mindset of scarcity. Instead, we begin to operate from abundance—trusting that we have enough, that we are enough, and that life is unfolding for us, not against us.
The Circle of Control
Think of life as made up of two circles:
One holds all the things that are outside your control.
The other holds what’s within your control.
Here are a few examples:
Out of Your Control:
- Other people’s opinions of you
- The past
- The future
- Outcomes
- What others believe, do, or say
- Aging, accidents, external events
In Your Control:
- Your boundaries
- Your response
- Your energy
- How you speak
- Who you spend time with
- How you treat others
- Teach people how to treat you
- Your attitude
- Your self-talk
- How you process emotions
Just recognizing the difference can help you exhale.
No, you can’t control how someone else acts—but you can decide whether or not to let it disturb your peace.
No, you can’t rewrite the past—but you can choose how it shapes your story going forward.
This isn’t spiritual bypassing. This is clarity. This is power.
And perhaps, for that hiking acquaintance, this mindset could be a gentle shift.
Again, it’s easy to say, and it definitely takes time—and that’s okay.
But maybe she could start by noticing what she can influence right now.
Perhaps she can:
- Join a local Ukrainian support group to explore better housing or community resources
- Connect with a social or hobby-based group to build a new support system
- Create daily rituals that bring a sense of home into her current space, even if temporary
- Practice self-kindness by celebrating her courage to start over, instead of comparing her life to others
In fact, the moment she was speaking with me—on that hike—she was already taking a powerful step. By joining a hiking group, she had put herself in nature, which in itself is healing. Nature exposure has been shown to lower cortisol levels, calm the nervous system, and boost mood through the release of endorphins and serotonin. Movement, fresh air, and even casual social interaction can all contribute to emotional regulation and resilience. Whether or not she realized it, she was already doing something within her control—something meaningful. And these small, intentional acts can become the foundation for greater emotional stability and connection.
None of this will solve everything overnight. But one step at a time, when challenges arise, take a deep breath. Give yourself the time and space you need. Keep your mind steady—because just like a lake, you can only see clearly beneath the surface when the water is calm. When stirred, everything turns blurry. The same is true for your thoughts, your heart, your path. So start with calm. Let clarity come gently.
A Shift Toward Abundance
When we focus on what’s outside of our control, we often become anxious, reactive, and even bitter. But when we shift our attention inward—to our values, choices, and mindset—we begin to grow more resilient. It’s not that our problems magically disappear; it’s that we become the kind of person who can navigate them with wisdom and grace. This is the essence of an abundance mindset—not the belief that everything is perfect, but the deep trust that we have what we need to move forward and that life is unfolding with purpose.
Gratitude often serves as the bridge between scarcity and abundance. When we can pause and say, “Yes, this is hard—but I still have breath, choices, and dignity,” we reclaim a quiet sense of power. And once the mind becomes calm—like a still lake that reflects what lies beneath—we can begin to reprogram our thinking. We can gently shift from patterns of scarcity, fear, and lack toward a mindset grounded in sufficiency, trust, and inner abundance. This transformation doesn’t happen overnight, but it begins with awareness and builds through intention and repetition.
One powerful tool to support this transformation is journaling. Writing helps us slow down and truly listen to ourselves. Often, we are so caught up in reacting to life that we don’t realize the stories we’re telling ourselves day after day. Journaling creates space to observe those inner narratives—the ones rooted in fear, comparison, or not-enoughness—and gently question them. It’s through this honest reflection that awareness begins to form. And once we can hear ourselves clearly, we can begin to choose a different voice—one that speaks with compassion, perspective, and a sense of quiet strength. In this way, journaling becomes more than a practice; it becomes a pathway back to our inner truth.
Come Back to Center
“I may not control the storm, but I can steer my ship.”
When life feels chaotic, one of the kindest things you can do for yourself is to ask:
What is mine to carry, and what isn’t?
What is within my power right now?
Often, the answer is quieter than we expect.
It might be: drink some water. Take a walk. Call a friend. Stop scrolling. Forgive yourself.
But these tiny acts—repeated with intention—can transform your life.
Let the rest go.
A Note of Compassion
As we talk about shifting our mindset and building inner strength, let’s also remember those who are still living through unimaginable circumstances, especially in warzones like Ukraine. While we may focus on what we can control in our personal lives, we can also extend support to those whose basic safety and stability have been taken from them. If you feel called to help, here are a few trusted organizations providing humanitarian aid:
Every small act of compassion counts. When we combine inner work with outer kindness, we help create a more hopeful world for all.
